Oh snap!
So you know that preview for the new Jason Biggs/Kate Hudson/Vomit Face Cook movie? Well, if you don’t, it’s dreadful and boring and you should be ever so grateful you have no idea what I’m talking about right now. Plus, Dane Cook happens to be one of our biggest enemies, being that he’s like a King Choad General and all. And he’s rounding up more recruits as we speak. Aughhhhhhhhhhhh! Anyhow, I hate this preview even more than I hate the predictable and phony and all around 1997 horribleness of that preview for the supremely sucky looking new Ashton Kutcher/Cameron Diaz shitfest. Mr. Biggs has never really done anything to super offend me (hey, he was even in a lesser Woody Allen flick…not that this validifies everyone or anything…but I’ll give a few extra points to anyone who has worked with Woody (but I operate on a point scale in the millions, so a few measly points mean shit to me)) and Ms. Hudson possibly could’ve been cool at one point in her career before she seemingly lost all of her discerning taste and maybe potential (but I’ll give her a few points for the Kurt Russell father figure thing; Kurt rocks my world)…but the presence of King General Dane of Choadville pushes it all over the edge into the Land of Oozing, Boiling, Skanky Uckiness (it’s near Hawaii, surprisingly).
I’ve seen the preview a few times and been mortified, sure, but I was suddenly struck by a profound realization this last time around. You see, the preview has Kate turning up this song in a car at one point and being like, “I lost my virginity to this song!” and the song that gets turned up, and becomes the focal point of the preview, is “Love Today” by the rather charming and goofy Mika. And sure, I assume the song Kate is talking about in reference to her oft-romanticized moment of lost innocence is not “Love Today,” and this is just a ploy to include a catchy modern song in the boring as fuck preview (and fucking, my friends, is not supposed to be boring). But then I thought “Hey…what if they’re implying that she just lost her virginity last summer? When “Love Today” actually came out? That would mean…Kate Hudson’s a total loser!”…and for some reason, this amuses me to no end. I mean, they already say she’s only slept with two guys in the preview but I can’t even believe it if they’re actually trying to say the first dude happened just last year.
Hee.
I'm a writer, music freak, pop culture critic-at-large, natural born lover, and professional crayon drawer.
Leave a Reply